Cheesy Magic
by Wind Alias
Summary: A Collection! of short one-shots where Haruhi deals with the Cheesy, the Stupid, and the down right Ridiculous.
1. What sort of witch are YOU?

**Disclaimer**: I don't own this so much that I can't think of anything awesome to say.

**Author's Note**: ...eh. This started out completely different. It was originally sweet, and nice, and a cute little NekozaiwaxHaruhi one-shot. Then I started scrolling through the OHSHC communities and.....bam. I was hit with so many fanfictions that were alike that I had to do something. So. DUN-DUN-DUN-DUUUUN! This is here! It'll most likely end up being a "Haruhi rejects everyone" type collection of one-shots that has everyone using their most used pick up line.

**By the way**: I have no idea how to spell Umehito's last name. Scanlations, manga, and anime all spelled it differently, so don't burn me on it too bad.

**XXXoXXX**

"So…"

"Hm?"

"What type of witch are you?"

"_Huh?"_

Haruhi looked up from her reading, setting the rather large and bulky textbook down. Standing beside her in his usual strange taste in clothing was Nekozaiwa Umehito, looking the epitome of curiosity.

Berezenoff waved.

"…I don't understand." Haruhi settled on eventually. The cloaked figure's head cocked strangely, and Haruhi had the thought that underneath that gigantic robe Nekozaiwa might be pursing his lips. Or it could have been the wind. Really, it was anyone's guess.

"What type of witch?" he persisted, stepping closer. Haruhi found it interesting ; he'd already been standing so very close that she hadn't imagined there could be anymore room between the two of them that still counted as 'polite'.

"Um. I'm not a witch."

The cloak shook. "Then what sort of curse are you using?" Haruhi winced. At this time he was leaning quite close to her, and by the look on Berezenoff's woven features, he was not pleased with her answer.

Or maybe Berezenoff always looked that way?

" You must be using _something,_" his breath came out airy, almost a hiss. "I can't stop looking at you, in your direction! I _know_curses, and that is definitely a side-affect of one." Haruhi blinked, once, twice, three times.

_Awkward.  
_

Haruhi stood up slowly, pushing Nekozaiwa softly as she did so. "No witches, no curses. Sorry," Haruhi said. Oh, she knew exactly where this was going. With something like that, who wouldn't? Even her relationship-based naivete couldn't fasten onto that one.

As she left, she shook her head.

_When did pickup lines start getting so cheesy?_


	2. Peasant Advice

**Disclaimer: **I don't own this. Sadness.

**Author's Note: **Goodness. I can't believe how long it's taken me to update this. And the chapters are so _short!_ It shouldn't take me this long. But it does, 'cus I'm a dirty no good procastinator. Anywho, the writing sucks, I totally just cheesed my way through this, and if you can't tell, my newest obsession is the Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathon Stroud. Check it out. NOW. xD Kidding, kidding.

Ahh! I'm rambling! Just read!

**XXoXXoXX**

"Sooooooo……Haruhi…"

Haruhi set her book down with a faint glimmer of annoyance. It was the second time today she'd ventured into the library, and each time she'd done so she'd been disrupted.

Looking up, she found herself staring into the mischievous brown eyes of Kaoru and Hikaru.

She rolled her eyes halfheartedly at their silly grins and pushed her book aside. She could take a hint that she wasn't about to get any reading done, no matter how interesting the 'Bartimaeus Trilogy' may be.

"Do you need something?" she asked slowly. She liked the twins, but at the moment she really hoped they would leave; Bartimaeus and Nathaniel were having an angst moment and she could practically taste the yaoi implications.

"Well, no." Hikaru and Kaoru said at once as they shared a glance and collectively plopped themselves onto the table top. "Rather, we came to give you a bit of….well, let's call it advice. Of sorts." Hikaru added quickly.

Haruhi raised a single black eyebrow.

"Well, out with it." Really, she didn't much care to hear hackneyed advice from the wildest people she knew. She stole a glance towards her book. Oh, Nathaniel, _why_ couldn't you just confess your feelings for Bartimaeus--

"Well…" Kaoru said, not without a good deal of hesitation. He locked eyes with her; Haruhi scowled. "There's a common saying out there among the peasants that applies to both the everyday life (insert cough) and, well, the bedroom-"

-here she involuntarily winced-

"-and it's quite a logical one." The duplicates stuck their domes together and gave her a dazzling smile and a wink. "In short, two heads are better than-"

Haruhi stood quickly and walked away without a word. She didn't even look up when she realized she'd left her book on the table top. Instead, she sighed and shook her head.

'_Romance truly _has_ gone to the dogs.'_


End file.
